When Helping Hurts: Can Supporting Your Adult Children Derail Your Retirement?
Hi, my name is Don Simmons, and today I’d like to talk about Adult Kids Returning Home.
So, what happens when love and sacrifice for your children collide with your own financial future?
It’s a question facing nearly half of American parents today. According to Thrivent’s 2025 Boomerang Kids Survey (source below), 46% of parents report that one or more adult children have moved back home. While driven by compassion, this rising trend is having real financial consequences: 38% of parents say supporting their adult children has negatively impacted their long-term retirement savings.
It’s understandable. Today’s young adults are entering a tough economy marked by high housing costs, rising prices for essentials, and uncertain job markets. Many are returning home not out of laziness, but necessity. Yet, this creates what Thrivent calls a “boomerang burden,” where parents take on extended financial responsibilities just as they should be accelerating retirement savings.
My wife Amy and I have lived this ourselves. We’ve put three kids through college—with a fourth on the way to college this fall—and two have returned home as they prepared to launch their careers. It’s an act of love, but it also requires serious financial boundaries. That’s why I strongly advocate for partnering with a financial advisor who can help develop a strategy to support your kids without compromising your own goals.
Surprisingly, 60% of young adults report that their parents haven’t discussed how that support affects their financial future. This silence can be costly. Among parents who continue to assist financially, 39% say it has undercut savings for shorter-term goals like travel or home improvements.
Even more revealing: budgeting skills appear stronger among adult children who never moved back home. Only 46% of boomerang kids receive high marks for managing money, compared to 63% of those who remained independent. This raises an important point—without financial expectations or accountability, assistance can hinder growth rather than foster it.
There’s no shame in helping adult children navigate today’s economic challenges. But wise stewardship means being honest about what you can afford and clear about what your children need to learn. It’s not selfish to prioritize your own financial stability—it’s essential.
As the old saying goes: “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Or as Ronald Reagan once said, “We have the right to dream heroic dreams, but we also have the responsibility to make sure our children don’t live at the expense of our own future.”
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